Daily Archives: April 18, 2014

21 Things I Irrationally Hate

Firstly, I hate the word ‘hate’. Along with the word ‘ugly,’ I think it should be gently encouraged out of general usage. However, it was not I who invented the meme – it wasn’t this person either, but let’s blame her because I first saw it on her blog – and so I am powerless to change the name.

I found it difficult to come up with a list of things I hate dislike irrationally, too, which makes me think that either I’m a very rational person (which is unlikely), or that I can convince myself of anything.

Hmmm... Image: eatsleepkids.com

Image: eatsleepkids.com


Behold! A List

1. I cannot bear it when people whack question marks in the middle of sentences. It’s a fashion I’ve noticed recently, and – while it’s an effective way of expressing accent and intonation – it’s also wrong. Wronger than wrong. The wrongest thing that could ever possibly be.

Just in case you’ve never come across this travesty, here’s an example: ‘I’d heard that Lorenzo was good-looking, but until I met him? I had no idea.’ What’s wrong with a comma there, instead of a question mark. Well? Well?

2. Clothes sizing. Just hold on for a second, so I can go outside and scream for a bit…

Quite. Image: theguardian.com

Image: theguardian.com

What possible logic is there in women’s clothes sizing? Leaving aside the fact that every shop you go into is different, and ever brand is different, and even the style of the garment can affect the size… I just give up.

3. Mucus and spit. I realise this is gross, but it has to be said. I don’t have much of a problem with other bodily fluids – I can change babies’ nappies without an issue, and blood is fine too – but mucus, I cannot bear. I hate when people spit, and I really hate it when they do that thing in their nose… gaaaah, but I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. I hate it so much that I can’t even write it down.

4. I can’t bring myself to say I hate a person or people, but let’s say it like this: I really, strongly dislike people who find it easy to believe unscientific, unproven, frankly bunkum hypotheses about everything from vaccinations to 9/11 to governmental control, but when faced with proven research will dismiss it because ‘it’s part of the Conspiracy’ or ‘it’s all part of Big Pharma’ or ‘it doesn’t match my experience, so it can’t be right.’ I’m all for critical thinking and not allowing yourself to be led by general opinion, but when you’re using your ignorance as a weapon, I can’t cope with it. (Vaccinate your children, people!)

5. Reality TV or talent shows, and the whole industry that has spawned up around them. I hate this mainly because they create stars out of people who were, up to that point, ordinary private citizens with a reasonable expectation of privacy. Their lives are upturned, they become grist for the media mill, and then the ‘career’ they were promised often doesn’t materialise. It’s a theatre of broken dreams, reality TV. And it’s about as ‘real’ as a hen wearing dentures.

6. The culture of shame we’ve created, and which we perpetuate without a care. Fat-shaming, woman-shaming, body-shaming, slut-shaming, all of it.

7. The phrase ‘on-trend.’ I want to build a tiny little pyre, set it merrily ablaze, throw these words upon it, and let Valhalla swallow the smoke. While I’m at it I’ll add ‘awhile’ (when used wrongly, which it always is), ‘irregardless’, ‘flavourful’, ‘healthful’, and ‘addicting.’ None of these are real words. They deserve an ignominious death.

8. Cars which are adapted to sound louder than they should, in an attempt to make them seem bigger and more impressive than they really are, and which are modified like they were F1 racing vehicles, even though they’re absolutely not.

Like this.

Image: en.wikipedia.org

Image: en.wikipedia.org

9. Pretension. Can’t bear it. Won’t put up with it. Begone, foul fiend. Same goes for snobbery.

10. I get very agitated when people congregate in doorways to have a chat, or when they stand right outside a door – blocking it – to peer at their phone or stare at a menu or whatever they might feel the need to do. I also dislike when people walk in big bunches down the street without any consideration for others, who might need to get past them in a hurry. A while ago a friend told me I had unusually acute spatial awareness, which is true. I can’t bear the idea that I, or anyone in my company, is in someone else’s way. I get quite jumpy about it.

11. Having to take a seat in the middle of a row in a cinema/theatre. I hate asking people to get up to let me in; I hate the idea that I might walk on their feet; I hate the feeling of possibly losing my footing between the rows of seats. Even the thought of it makes me break out in a cold sweat.

12. People being late for stuff. I’m scrupulously punctual, and it irritates me when others aren’t.

13. Selfishness, and the ‘Why Should I?’ mentality that is so common nowadays. ‘Why should I inconvenience myself a tiny little bit so that someone else benefits hugely?’ Well. Why, indeed.

14. Plagiarism. This comes from my days as a tutor, perhaps, but it’s part of my larger distaste for copyright infringement, illegal downloading, and piracy. I hate it all. If you want something, pay for it. If you didn’t create something, don’t say you did. Easy.

15. The idea that a person can turn their whole life, as well as their face and body, into a brand, and make money essentially selling themselves. I also hate the fact that this is seen as a valid career aspiration for so many, particularly girls, who feel that all they need to do is be beautiful, all the time, and the rest will take care of itself.

16. Willful ignorance. If a person misses out on an education, that’s a dreadful shame and I would fight, hard, for their right to access one. But people who sneer at the acquisition of knowledge and who choose to be closed off to the idea of learning irritate me.

17. Advertisements. The only place they don’t drive me cuckoo is on the radio, where – for whatever reason – I can tune them out. I understand they’re necessary, but… gah.

18. Hip-hop, garage, grindcore, r n’ b, and other musical genres which are – to my ear – defined by saccharine vocals and/or mindless noise. I do realise I sound like my granny here, but I have to defend myself by saying I listen to heavy rock music, so I know that loud, intense sound can still be made melodic. I just don’t get modern urban music, and I suspect it wouldn’t get me, either.

19. Jeremy Clarkson.

Image: bbc.co.uk

Image: bbc.co.uk

This is irrational because I still watch ‘Top Gear’, and I occasionally read his newspaper columns and find them funny. I just can’t bear the man, though.

20. Ironing. I will do any other household chore just to avoid having to iron, including scrubbing the toilets.

21. The crumbs that manage to get caught inside the toaster, no matter how careful you are – and myself, when I forget about these crumbs and tip the toaster on its side to try to get something into or out of it, and said crumbs spill all over the countertop. I have been reduced to tears by this in the past.

So. There you go. A list of hate! Happy Friday, y’all. Feel free to chime in with your own lists; I’d love to have a read. And if any of these pet hates of mine spark anything off in you, let’s hear about it.