Travels with a Gargoyle

Hullo, everybody. I’m Cuthbert.

How d'you do!

How d’you do!

No – don’t run away! Wait. I’m quite nice, really, even though I am a gargoyle. The truth cannot be hid in the matter of my appearance, sadly, but the soul within the body is what’s important. Right? Anyway, I’ve lived with the human who writes this blog for years and years now, and I’m very important.

How important, I hear you ask?

This important.



Yes. That’s me – hello again! – and my buddy Buddha (geddit?) in our roles as guardians of our human’s Terry Pratchett collection. I’m not sure if you know how much our human loves Terry Pratchett, but let me just tell you it’s a lot. A whole lot. Probably more than she loves anything, except maybe that other tall human who we sometimes see lumbering about the place talking about server arrays and bandwidth and static ISPs (no, I don’t understand any of it, either). They seem to be fairly fond of one another, though.

Not that we’re jealous. Are we, Buddha?


Anyway, I’m taking over the blog today because my human has ‘run out of brain space’ – or, at least, that’s what she tells me. Lots to do, she says, and no time to do it, and so she asked me if I’d take her lovely readers on a quick tour of her bookshelves. She and the tall human got some new ones at the weekend, y’see, and they’re ever so proud of them. There used to be piles of books all over the place – reminded me rather a lot of that dusty old tower I used to live in back in the day, lots of bells ringing if I remember – nope, it’s gone. Clean forgot the name! I’m sure it’ll come back to me. Anyhow, the piles of books lying around looked rather pretty, but my human and her human got a bit down in the mouth about all the mess, so they moved some stuff around and now they have more space for books! And that’s wonderful, of course.

(I just hope they don’t adopt any more gargoyles. One gargoyle per household is plenty, don’t you think?)

Here’s the first wonderful thing about the new bookshelves.



My human loves this lady, Frances Hardinge, nearly as much as she loves Terry Pratchett. But before – you remember, when all the books were piled around the floor – her Frances Hardinge books were all over the place. She could never find them when she wanted them. But now, look! They all live together happily on one shelf, and whenever my human sees them snuggling up together like this, she actually claps.

It’s embarrassing, really. But we put up with it, Buddha and me, because we’re loyal guardians. Also, we’re very patient.

Here’s a bigger view of two of the new sets of shelves. Can you imagine that, once upon a time, all these books were on the floor? It was very hazardous for little people creatures, like Buddha. Not me, though – I’m far too tough to be squished by books.

Still, though. It’s nice to have them neatly placed. High up. Where they won’t fall over.

I included myself for scale. D'you see me? Helloo!

I included myself for scale. D’you see me? Helloo!

But my human’s favourite new thing is this:

Me with some silly book. I don't know. Humans are weird.

Me with some silly book. I don’t know. Humans are weird.

This book (the one facing out, I mean, which I’m taking extra care to guard because that’s how I roll, okay) was a present, she says, from someone very lovely and important, and now that there’s loads of space, she can put it in pride of place.

I don’t know. It’s a book about some island called Tasmania, right? But it’s not a book about gargoyles. I don’t see how it could possibly be interesting, but then my human is a pretty weird creature, so we have to make allowances for that.

Well, that’s about it from me. I hope you enjoyed this little tour of my human’s bookshelves! It was great to meet you all, and remember – no home is complete without a gargoyle. Just sayin’.

(You can’t have me, of course. I’m taken. Just so you know. But there are loads of others who are just waiting to be loved… I mean, employed. As book-guardians and confidantes. And things.We’re multi-functional, you know? Definitely not just pretty faces. If you like the sound of bells, even better…)




9 thoughts on “Travels with a Gargoyle

  1. Kate Wally

    It’s really lovely to meet you, Cuthbert. Only the best and finest humans would have a gargoyle as fine as yourself. They clearly have exceptional taste. 🙂 Great post. Love it!

    1. SJ O'Hart Post author

      Cuthbert says ‘Thank you, Ms Wally! It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, also. I am indeed a fine gargoyle, if a very busy one. I hope you won’t mind excusing me – I think the Hardinge collection is starting to act up, again…’

      Thanks, Kate! Glad you liked it. Isn’t the Tassie book looking pretty? 🙂

  2. elainepeters5

    How very satisfying to have loads of shelves for all your books, mine are all double-parked and I’m going to have to have a clear out – but how? Good to have Cuthbert to guard them too.

    1. SJ O'Hart Post author

      We still have quite a lot of double-parking going on here, too, but it’s definitely an improving situation. And yes, it is good to have a Cuthbert. Everyone should have one! 🙂

    1. SJ O'Hart Post author

      Thanks, Gretta! I might have to make Cuthbert a permanent fixture on the blog – he seems to be a big hit. 🙂 (Don’t tell him, though – it’ll go to his head!)

  3. Maurice A. Barry

    I’ve finally met a second Cuthbert! The only other one I know (Mr. Cringeworthy of Bash Street) is from England so now I know ones in two countries. Thank you very much for the tour!

    1. SJ O'Hart Post author

      Cuthbert says: ‘I’m unfamiliar with Mr. Cringeworthy, but I’m *sure* he’s a fine gentleman, as only fine gentlemen are permitted to bear the name Cuthbert. I look forward to making his acquaintance one day, and I’m pleased to meet you, too, Mr. Barry. You’re welcome for the tour! Come again!’

      (Don’t worry – I’ll try to break the news about Bash Street to him as gently as possible – SJ) 😉


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